Monday, July 9, 2018


On Thursday night I went to see my personal Lord and Savior/girlfriend Janelle Monáe perform at The Chicago Theatre. It was everything I wanted it to be. I'm obsessed with her newest album Dirty Computer, and she performed literally every single song on that album, in addition to several bangers from her previous albums. I love that she is essentially Prince/Michael Jackson/David Bowie/Stevie Wonder/James Brown all rolled into one, but better because she is a woman. Though she's popular, she doesn't get as much credit as she deserves, and I'm sure it's because she's female. Case in point: Childish Gambino is a "genius" for one song about the state of America, whereas Janelle Monáe is not, even though she wrote an entire album about the state of America and simultaneously released a 40-minute movie to go with it.* Not that "This Is America" isn't a genius song and video. It's just that Janelle is a genius, too!

Putting aside the genius discussion (she's a genius), I feel it is important to note that THE VAGINA PANTS ARE REAL AND I SAW THEM WITH MY OWN EYES. #blessed

I've never seen The Chicago Theatre so riled up. Initially I was disappointed that they decided to hold the concert there, simply because rows and rows of chairs don't make for good dancing. Fortunately, the entire audience disregarded those chairs and danced anyway. We were all soaked in sweat by the time we left--I didn't know such a large venue could get so hot. It was the best queer anti-Trump dance party in the entire world.

Which brings me to my next point: I really miss dancing. I gave up my legendary, semi-professional, 1960s-style gogo dancing career to move to Vegas and become a writer, and now I live in a third-floor walk-up. I suspect my neighbors wouldn't appreciate me stomping on the squeaky wood floor--I feel pretty bad when I fall over doing yoga. I'm not sure how viable taking a class would be; it sucks to leave my dog home alone all day and then leave her home alone all night again.

But I do miss it. Gogo always made me feel sexy and fun and confident. While I still feel fairly confident, I feel way less sexy and fun these days.

What is the opposite of sexy? A sexless blob? I feel kind of like a sexless blob.

Which isn't to suggest that I'm not strong. I go running all the time. But running is not sexy, nor is it fun. Honestly, it's kind of annoying. I'd give it up if it weren't a quick, efficient, and free way to burn calories.

Any dancers out there? How do you squeeze it in? Do you have to stay up late on weekends? I'm not sure I can do that anymore--I'm a sexless blob of an old lady. Unless you're Janelle Monáe--I'll do anything for Janelle.

*The Childish Gambino vs. Janelle Monáe "genius" discussion is not my original thought. I saw it on Twitter, and no matter how hard I search, I can't seem to find the original Tweet now. My apologies to the smart person whose idea I'm citing.

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