Sunday, August 17, 2014

Au Revoir, Los Angeles

Well what do you know? It's already Sunday night, my bags are packed, and I'm driving back to Vegas bright and early tomorrow morning.

I spent most of today getting everything together, but the past few days I've been taking full advantage of what Los Angeles has to offer. Thursday evening Kenzie did indeed take me to Good Times at Davey Wayne's, and all I can say is that their commitment to 1970's theme is more than commendable. You enter through what appears to be a fridge in someone's garage, and then you find yourself in a bar disguised as a house party in someone's a living room--a living room that looks roughly like this, except bigger. Step out onto the back patio and you'll find a trailer where they sell spiked sno-cones. The DJ plays only 70's hits, and at 11 p.m. you're treated to a special performance: a choreographed roller skating routine. What's more, it was one of the most reasonably priced bars I've encountered in L.A., so that was a treat in and of itself.

On Friday night Katie and I saw Star Wars burlesque, thereby fulfilling our goal of seeing one nerdy burlesque show per month. In terms of the show itself, this one was my favorite. They kicked things off with a fully costumed cantina band who played not only their biggest hit, but also cantina band versions of The Clash, The Ramones, KISS, and more. Many delightful burlesque performances followed. My favorites included Boba Fett, who was undressed by the arms of frozen-in-carbonite Han Solo; Jabba the Hutt and Princess Leia dancing to Britney Spears' "I'm a Slave 4 U," which featured strategically-placed balloon popping on Jabba's part and murder by erotic asphyxiation at Leia's hands; and the Red Guard, who accomplished the epitome of a classic striptease. While wearing a helmet.

The following two paragraphs are dedicated to Katie, who demanded a verbal slaughtering on my blog.

The show was wonderful, but the crowd, unfortunately, was not. Perhaps the appeal of Star Wars casts a wider net than usual, but whatever the case, there were several disrespectful men in attendance who made me extremely uncomfortable. Don't get me wrong; it would be bizarre to attend a burlesque performance if you weren't excited to see beautiful women take off their clothes. It's a fun thing to watch, and cheering, hooting, and hollering is 100% appropriate behavior. What's not appropriate behavior: standing at the front of the stage with your iPhone out and filming close-ups of the dancers' breasts/asses literally the entire performance. This guy wasn't watching the show with his eyes at any point. Not only is this hugely creepy for (I should hope) obvious reasons, but also, if this man so desperately wants to watch video of breasts and asses, might I suggest...the internet?

There were others (like the guy with the unironic popped collar that smacked of a frat party in 2003 who tried to flirt with every woman in a 4-foot radius by putting down the cantina band and/or trying to assert how much more he knew about Star Wars than everyone else), but iPhone dude was the most egregious. Suffice it to say, it was easily the worst audience I have ever encountered at a burlesque show. Despite our thorough enjoyment of the performances, Katie and I were happy to get out of there.

I hope that was adequate, Katie. <3

And then there was Saturday. What better way to spend my last weekend in Los Angeles than with A SLUMBER PARTY!!!!! Crushee and Girls Night In LA hosted a giant women-only sleepover at Mack Sennet Studios. And I'm not kidding when I say giant; there were more than 250 women in attendance. It was a tad overwhelming. From 9 p.m. to 9 a.m., we had access to: a buffet, cupcakes, a photo booth, a burlesque performance, hairstyling, manicures, eyelash extensions, tarot readings, a bouncy castle (!!!), custom cocktails named things like "unsolicited dick pic" (I cannot say that men were spoken of highly at this event), a DJ, and two 4.5 square-foot pizzas at 1 a.m. On top of this, we were all given free t-shirts and free underwear. And air mattresses were provided for sleeping. Want to know how much admission cost? $10. Katie and I did manage to get some sleep in the designated sleeping room, though you could hear the party raging on all night, music thumping through the walls. I got my hair chalked blue, which was pretty. (It washed right out today.) My favorite part might have been the bouncy castle, only because I haven't been in one since I was very small. If you're thinking, "isn't putting several tipsy grown women in a bouncy castle a recipe for trouble?", you would be absolutely correct. I, however, was not inside when it tipped over, so that worked out well for me.

It was an amazing evening, but it left me utterly exhausted.* Which, I suppose, is a good thing, as I need to sleep well tonight before I drive through the desert tomorrow. As much as I have enjoyed my time in L.A., I can't wait to return to Vegas. I miss everybody. I miss my bed. I miss the 1960's kitschy aesthetic.

Good night, Los Angeles. See you tomorrow, Las Vegas.

*This exhaustion accounts for the probable overabundance of adverbs/repeated words in this post. Sorry.

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